Well, it had to happen some time. I got called for my first substitute job today…and went home about 15 minutes later. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I looked at the lesson plan and…that was it. It’s learning objectives, not really a lesson plan the way that tells you what order to do things in or when to do them or what, exactly, the exercise is. The teachers getting me settled basically helped me decide that I need to observe a hell of a lot before I actually sub.
So many people kept telling me that you need no experience to sub, that you don’t need to know anything, yet I couldn’t do it. What does that mean for me? Were they wrong or was I? Am I going to be a good teacher or was this the universe telling me that I suck? What should I do now?
I’m observing an English class tomorrow at the same school. I feel awful for letting them down. For letting myself down. For letting down the people who were excited for me to do this today. And now I don’t know what to do or why.