I watch LAboy and his daughter sometimes.  Sitting on his lap as he brushes her hair; carrying her to bed and kissing her on the forehead as she sleeps; calling each other every night.

Why the hell didn’t my dad do that?

I don’t understand who would ever think it was a good idea to leave the planning up to a child whose world was rocked by divorce.  I don’t understand why my dad never took care of me.  He never had that kind of relationship with me.  He never called me just to talk to me.  He never came to visit just to visit me.  It was always about my mom.  Always visiting to talk to her/yell at her.  Pine over her.  Buy Christmas presents with me for her.  Everything was always about her.  It was never about me.

Why was it never about me?  Why didn’t he care enough to enforce joint custody?  Why didn’t he take me to dinner every week instead of leaving it up to whenever I “felt like it”?  Why didn’t he make PLANS?

Why did I not matter enough for him to make plans?

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